As our time living in the UK comes to an end, I can’t help but get all emo about the epic shit we’re going to be leaving behind.  As with every place, there are many wonderful things, and always some not-so-wonderful things.

I know I’m missing shit and will have to come back and add things later, but here we go.

1. The Nature.

There is nothing so peaceful and serene as a foggy sunrise over the English countryside. It is breathtaking. The mist settling between trees and the ancient stone walls that divide the pieces of farmland, the occasional sheep baa coming from an unknown direction. The fluffy moss that cushioned your every step. It’s ridiculous.

The Brits know what’s up when it comes to preserving the natural heritage as well.  We are leaving during the most beautiful time of year. Everything is dripping with blossoms, the poppies are starting to bloom, and everything smells like lilacs. It’s fucking delightful.

2. Tea Rooms.

Tea is serious shit over here. And it is best enjoyed in a traditional tea room where there is a book-like menu of tea choices and tiny sandwiches and tarts and other tasty treats (i.e. melt-in-your-mouth shortbread). There are beautiful mismatching tea cups and pots everywhere and the charm is movie-esque. I’m an addict now.

3. Food.

There are meat laws here. You know that nasty ass bullshit food industry that runs the show in America? Doesn’t fly in the UK. The meat is delicious, the milk isn’t filled with sugar, and the crops aren’t owned by Monsanto. Food is local, food is real, and it is delicious. If peeps tell you the food is bland, they aren’t eating at the right places.

4. Pubs.

No bratty children allowed, dogs are welcome, you order and pay for your food at the bar, and there is no tipping because they pay their staff an actual living wage. GWTFP America.

5. The BBC.

A legitimate, unbiased, factual and logically conveyed news and information source. It is illegal for them to lie, and illegal for them to advertise. The US could take some notes here.

6. Country life.

Where we happen to be is in the middle of miles and miles (and miles) of farmland.  While it can be inconvenient at times, it is fabulously isolated and makes accessing the nature much easier. In the spring time, there are baby animals EVERYWHERE. Little piglets skipping in the mud, little fluffy lambs frolicking in the fields, and my favorite, Highland Cows! Pronounced HEE-land COO. Below is a collage of cuteness from Pinterest, which is pretty much what it looks like here in spring. Enjoy.

7. Highland cows.

They needed their own section. I mean look at them. WOULD YOU JUST LOOK.

8. Sunrooms.

This is something I’m stealing when we build our house. Being that the weather is shitty 90% of the time, they have this delightful way of still being able to enjoy the “outside”. They are genius.

9. Automated telemarketers.

Guilt-free hang ups. Enough said.

And of course…

Shit I will not miss about living in the UK

1. The roads.

While roundabouts are awesome and greatly increase the flow of traffic, driving here can be legitimately life-threatening. They don’t have shoulders, usually no lines, 8 foot hedges with 6 foot deep water-filled ditches right behind them, and many times are only wide enough for one vehicle at a time.

You could be cruising along enjoying the epic beauty all around you… but if you get launched into the air by a giant dip in the road timed perfectly with an especially violent gust of wind, you could very well be blasted right to your death.

There are no parking spaces on the road sides, so people just park. On the street. Turning whatever street into a one-lane while everyone tries to maneuver around said parked cars while avoiding a head on with a lorry hauling 6 tons of carrots.

2. The wind.

The same wind mentioned above, hangs around ruining all outdoor activity at about 20 mph all day every day. Fuck this bullshit wind. Peace out.

3. The general lack of customer service, business sense and quality construction.

Band-aids. Band-aids everywhere, on everything. Need this fixed? I know a guy that is pretty handy, I’ll send him over sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Black mold growing in your house due to improper ventilation and windows that aren’t sealed? That’s cool, we’ll just paint over it.

You want one faucet instead of one scalding hot and one ice water? Nah, that costs too much and isn’t very ‘traditional’.

Want to find a business’s phone number or hours online? Good fucking luck. Don’t have cash on you? Sorry about that, the nearest ATM is about an hour that way.

4. The Water  **Added 5/27 (I don’t know how the fuck I left this one out)**

Holy shit, the water is so fucking hard. I don’t know how long it will take the bale of hay that is now my hair to recover. And my tortured skin. After taking one shower in Seattle, my skin and hair already feel like I sat at a spa for 10 days. Not to mention having actual water pressure again. THE JOY.

But I want to end with my favorite place, and that is the Craters. A nature reserve by another name, this magical place is a moss covered paradise. We took the pups often, prancing about on the squishy moss hills and sitting in our favorite tree. I will miss it dearly <3

Goodbye for now, England. It’s been amazing <3

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